How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
