I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
