I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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