she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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