The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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