We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
