we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
