then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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