Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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