we have pet lesbian snakes
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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