Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
