Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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