It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
