I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
