do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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