I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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