I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
