the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
These tits shall not be calmed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
