alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
