dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
