I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
