I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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