do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
