wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
