So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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