My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
