Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
