Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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