You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
