My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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