In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
high people should be assigned attendants
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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