By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
