i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
