just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
