oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
