You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
