I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
