I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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