he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
