In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
