i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she smelled like a LAN party
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
