They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
