You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
