If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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