When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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