If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
