I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
