She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
