dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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