This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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