you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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