I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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