he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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