Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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