I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
