Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
