420 ftw
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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