sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
