so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize