I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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