the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
