just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
