my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
