i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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