like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
