Just cropdusted the office
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
