My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
