I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can you bring me the toilet please
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
