Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
