Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
