grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
