Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
