i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
